Birthday Jokes

Q. What did the bald man say when he got a comb for his birthday?
A. Thanks. I'll never part with it!

 

The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.

 

Where do you find a birthday present for a cat?
In a cat-alogue! (Bad Kitty!)

 

OK, fuck those lame-ass birthday suck jokes. Here's one you'll never forget:

 

A wife decides to take her husband to a strip club for his birthday (wow, what a great wife that would be...probably russian).

 

They arrive at the club and the doorman says, "Hey, Dave! How ya doin'?"

 

His wife (whose name will remain unspoken) is puzzled and asks if he's been to this club before (duh).
"Oh, no," says Dave. "He's on my bowling team."

 

When they are seated, a waitress with pasties asks Dave if he'd like his usual and brings over a Sam Adams Summer Ale.

 

His wife is becoming increasingly uncomfortable and says, "How did she know that you drink Sam Adams Summer Ale?"

 

"She's in the Ladies' Bowling League, honey. We share lanes with them (and not just lanes if you know what I mean ... hubba hubba)."

 

A stripper (we discerning men prefer the term "exotic dancer") then comes over to their table, throws her arms around Dave, and says "Hi Davey. Want your usual table dance, big boy? I think I owe you a freebie!"

 

Dave's wife, now furious, grabs her purse/satchel/whatever and storms out of the club.

 

Dave follows and spots her getting into a cab. Before she can slam the door, he jumps in beside her. He tries desperately to explain how the stripper must have mistaken him for someone else, but his wife is having none of it.

 

She is screaming at him at the top of her lungs, calling him every name in the book, and some that are not even in the book.

 

The cabby, whose name is "Big Tony", turns his head and says, "Looks like you picked up a real bitch tonight, Dave."

 

:)

 

Bad Kitty!