Dave, with Hair

Tainted Love

'American Idol' Results Tainted?

AT&T, one of the biggest sponsors of American Idol, has been accused of skewing the results for winner Kris Allen by distributing mobile phones to his fan groups and teaching them how to cast mass text votes (no easy task in itself).

 

What do you think, America?

 

Patti Reich, Systems Analyst
"Well, Adam Lambert had the unfair advantage of being the better singer, so it all evens out."

 

Kevin Seifert,Yard Coupler
"Come on, corporate America. Just tell me who the real winner is so I can buy his album and listen to it until you give me someone new to like."

 

Ryan Griffin,Deep-Fryer Assempler
"What's important is that Americans have a new idol to worship."  

 

 

OMG! - It's FRIDAY!!!!!!!!

Adam, Clay, Adam, Clay.

 

"These two chicks walk into a bar and..."

 

"I don't know Clay," Adam told Access Hollywood on Thursday morning after performing on the "Today Show." "I'm glad he's getting headlines now though, because he wasn't before."

 

Last week, Clay hit his official blog, and slammed Adam, this season's runner-up. Clay revealed he only watched one episode of the FOX reality series all season, and it was the one where Adam Lambert took on Johnny Cash's "Ring of Fire."

 

"At that moment, [I] thought my ears would bleed. Contrived, awful, and slightly frightening," Clay wrote.

 

[That could be said for every performance on A.I., so I don't understand what the hoopla is all about. Clay is a straight shooter. Good for him. Ok, maybe not a 'straight' shooter, but a shooter nonetheless. I don't know what that means, either. Figure it out. Learn to fish. I'm tired of giving you fish. Learn to fish.]

 

"If he wants to ride my coattails about it, good for him," Adam told Access, giving Clay the thumbs up sign.

 

[Wait - did he just proposition Clay Aiken and offer up his ass?]

 

[Ok, I loathe the show, but I'd bet dollars to donuts that Adam Shithead doesn't even approach the sales Clay 'watch-your-back-pocket' Aiken has hit. What a fucking wanker. I will forever hold dear to my heart my Clay Aiken CD collection: 'Pull!' (Bang) 'Pull!' (Bang)]

 

 

It's all in jeopardy

LOS ANGELES – A few overeager AT&T employees brought demo phones to "American Idol" viewing parties in Arkansas and helped fans text their votes, but their actions did not affect the outcome between native son Kris Allen and Adam Lambert, the company said Wednesday.

 

Allen, 23, of Conway, Ark., won by an undisclosed margin over Lambert, 27, of San Diego, a powerful singer who'd been cast by the show's judges as the front-runner. Host Ryan Seacrest said nearly 100 million votes were sent by phone or text message after last Tuesday's final performance, but did not mention how those votes were divided.

 

So, let me get this right.

 

You spend weeks glued to your TV watching, waiting, and panting, in Dave's case, over who is going to win, and it all is revealed to be sham.

 

WHY AM I NOT SURPRISED?

Bad Rumors

By the way, something in me will die just a little bit if that Idol douchebag becomes the frontman for 'Queen' a.k.a. The Brian May Project, who's ship has sailed by at least a decade, as rumors are having it.

'Queen' died with Freddie - R.I.P. Irreplaceable, especially by a douchebag Karaoke Contest winner/whiner from God Knows Where Who Gives A Fuck.

Don't fool yourself, don't be fooled, and leave the lemming parade!

I will hit a child...I swear to God, I will hit a child...

There may be riots, cats and dogs sleeping together, MASS HYSTERIA! Real wrath of God stuff!

:)

What are you reading?

Ok, everyone tell what you are reading right now as in the way of books. I'll go first. I'm in the middle of a few of them, which I will probably never finish any of, and I'm ok with that, with the exception of #5:

 

1) Hyperion Cantos - Dan Simmons

2) Tibetan Buddhism - B.Alan Wallace

3) A Course in Miracles - Endeavor Academy

4) Walden - Henry David Thoreau

5) American Idol, The Big Lie - Paula Abdul ( An Oprah Book Selection)

 

...and a few chess books I won't mention.

 

What you got?

 

 

Your Move

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ds2GrP0R34k&feature=player_embedded

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bZ99ItyRv5E&feature=player_embedded

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J_1mdOLKXcc&feature=player_embedded

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yXImErsSFzc&feature=player_embedded

 

And so there is no confusion, here are two brilliant pieces of real music. They lack the screaming, sign-holding teeny-boppers,  but then, American Idol it is not:

 

Flight of the Bumble Bee

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h6A-JYbu1Os&feature=player_embedded

 

2nd Hungarian Rhapsody

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=byGI1mDi3no&feature=player_embedded

We love you Krissy!

Told ya. What a total dink.

 

And in other news that you missed, Big Papi hit his first dinger tonight to the just-shy center field camera box amidst a great inning that saw 4 homers - even Di would have gotten a thrill, as Jason Gayitek hit his second - second! - of the game (and, his pants were *particularly* tight tonight). I'm sure some will *claim* they were watching, but since a quick flip to FOX showed the Idol she-men in some guitar-hero duel/duet (I did not stay long enough to even figure out what bad Karaoke song they were butchering or if they were lip-syncing - I'm sure they were, on both counts, and my back-button thanks me) we know you weren't watching. I mean, it's not like the Sox are important to you, right? It's not like you got a tatoo or something of theirs... It would be like getting a Tampa Bay Rays tatoo as "BT"...or St. Louis - "LSt", or maybe New York - "YN", or, or San Diego - "DS", or maybe...just maybe...you do?

 

Arghh. My bad.

 

This could go down as the "Mother's Day Massacre TWO". We all know how #1 ended. Anyone catch that game?

 

Ah. Summer is here. Idol is over. We can all get back to our boring, tainted, live-vicariously-through-our-TV-lives.

 

Thank GOD.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"Too close to call"

It's like the 2007 Superbowl!

 

It's like just about every NASCAR Race!

 

It's like, it's like the space between my front teeth!

 

It's like, it's like, it's like the qualitative value of the show "Lost!"

 

It's TOO CLOSE TO CALL! OMG WHAT WILL I DO UNTIL THE NEXT SHOW???? OMG...OMG...I LOVE you Idol!!!!!!!!!

 

Oh, wait. I'm soo sorry. I must of accidentally changed stations to "We're Queer and We're Here" on Lifetime. My Bad.

 

Attention: Sox won, 2-1.

 

I got that from the Box Score. I didn't know Millar was on Toronto!!!!!!! OMG...OMG...OMG!!!!!! We Love You KEVIN!!!!!!!

 

Duck Off!

STRANGE BUT TRUE!

 

FALMOUTH – Police alleged that a Falmouth man was drunk when he drove his car into a building early today and decapitated a mother duck caring for her 12 ducklings, reports the Cape Cod Times.

Thomas Brown, 26, was traveling south on Scranton Avenue at 12:15 a.m. when he failed to make the hairpin turn onto Clinton Avenue, police said. His car struck a building that houses Patriot Party Boats and the Karen Rinaldo Art Gallery and came to rest on a public walkway overlooking Falmouth Harbor.

Bud Tietje, who founded Patriot Party Boats and helped construct the building in the early 1960s, said the building sustained minor damage but the fence along the walkway was completely destroyed.

 

The mother duck was found dead near the car, but the dozen ducklings were all alive when animal control officers transported them from the scene.

The baby ducks are currently at the Cape Cod Wildlife Center where they are being assessed, according to an employee there.

 

Karen Rinaldo Art Gallery wishes to have an Art exhibit of the decapitated quacker and have the proceeds go to Ducks-Across-America - the pilot charity for homeless ducks. Mrs. Rinaldo could not be reached for comment, but her PR assistant said, "Yes. We think it will garner alot of interest, much like the Maplethorpe exhibits back in the 80's. Please come down for a 'quackin' good time!"

"Shellack and Stress"

 

Weird Facts:

 

Did you know that they make Shellac out of sea shells and alcohol? And did you know that female seashells are more likely to be born in times of stress than male seashells? And, you might ask, how can you tell a male seashell from a female seashell? Well, there is a foolproof method. If you grind up the seashell and add it to alcohol and it makes a good shellac, then it's a female seashell, although it might be a little stressed. If it makes a watery shellac, then it's a male seashell, although it might be a little relaxed.

 

Sea? Shell?

 

She sells sea shells by the seashore.
The shells she sells are surely seashells.
So if she sells shells on the seashore,
I'm sure she sells seashore shells.

 

Three times, fast.

 

Now the true story of Shellac, with total disregard to Bobby's Urban Myth:

 

In its most well known form, shellac mixes with an alcohol base to make varnish. Yet shellac, a sticky, yellowish resin, goes through many bizarre stages of evolution as it makes its way from inside a parasitic insect to covering your oak rocking chair. Harvesting the resin off of insects, predominantly in South Asia, remains the only method of cultivating this useful and adaptable substance.

The history of an old gramophone album or Oriental rug dye begins with a tiny insect, Laccifera lacca. Hundreds of these critters hatch out of eggs and scatter over a juicy plant or tree. Immediately, they attach their mouth to a leaf or stem to suck food and water from the host plant for the rest of their lives.

As these "scale" bugs develop from pupa to adults, they gradually excrete a sticky or waxy liquid that encases them in a cocoon. Since they'd be easy targets for predators, these scales detach from their skin and harden to protect them from pecking birds or hungry spiders. In India and Thailand, cultivators allow thousands of these insects to establish themselves on trees like the kusum, palas, and raintree.

This unusual "crop" is maintained for a season, until the time when males leave their scales and females lay new eggs. To harvest the crop, all the bits of stems and bodies and shells of insects are washed off branches to form crude lac. After much washing, filtering, and processing, this becomes seed lac and then refined shellac.

Raw shellac gets its yellow or orange tint from a dye inside the female insect's ovaries. Some woodworkers prefer an amber varnish, while other products bleach the shellac to make a clear sealant. In the past, shellac was used in tanning leather, forming records (before vinyl displaced it), and polishing wood floors. As far back as the 3rd century, people used shellac to dye fabric. Starting in the 16th century, they developed a way to paint it onto wood as a sealer.

Today, shellac covers time-release pills for oral medication, makes yellow and orange food coloring, and seals letters with wax. Since it's non-toxic and edible, other synthetic substances haven't replaced shellac. Even carpenters still value its ability to protect wood from damaging ultraviolet rays. Though it has a strong odor, varnish made from shellac dries quickly and isn't hazardous once cured. It can be used around pets and babies, finishing doors and toy chests, without fear of toxicity.

 

As to Female/male birth rates in times of stress:

 

The misrepresentation of 'more females are born during times of stress' is actually more accurately scientifically stated as 'male fetuses are more likely to be miscarried in stressful times than female fetuses', so it's a little bit of the Chicken and Egg thing there. It is also true that in times of stress, the males born are generally stronger.

 

The study also supports the theory that males are the weaker sex.

 

God knows we've been proving that an awful lot, lately.

 

 

 

 

Calling All Fans

"In this rarest of moments, men who will be men step up and do what a man must do." - Marcus Aurelius Goodwin

 

Rarely does a city see their two most storied franchises meet for elimination contests on the same day in May. In Beantown/Titletown, that day is today. The Bruins can complete the 3-1 comeback against the 'Canes tonight in Boston and the Celtics can eliminate the Orlando Majic in Game 6 on the road.

 

Heady times here is Titletown USA.

 

I invite all my friends to Join Celeste and I at our home for the games tonight, beginning at 7 pm Celtics tip-off and the Bruins dropping the Puck at 8 pm. It will be loud. There will be snacks. There will be Beer.  

 

We will be here rooting on the home teams.

 

 

A sad state of affair

America's Top "Reality Shows"

(Subtitle: "how to become braindead in 10 easy episodes")

(Subtitle2: "If you watch any of these shows, you are what is wrong with America")

 

1.American Idol -Enuf has been written about this pathetically bad, hollywood sponsored, fake-reality Karaoke show. Suffice to say that Danny Gokey will be heading back to Brew-Town to drown in his sorrows. Aw, that's ok, that's reality?! Maybe he can catch a gig doing The National Anthem at a Brewer's Game. Discovered!

2.Dancing With the Stars - What stars?

3.America's Next Top Model - And you wonder why your little girls grow up to be whores? I blame the mothers - why would you ever by a Bratz Doll for your little sweetness?

4.The Amazing Race - I'll give you this one

5.The Girls Next Door - Yah, like you got a shot at living in Playboy Mansion with the ultimate schister.

6.Celebrity Apprentice - That's it, get sucked in to Donald Trump's self-effacing TV.

7.The Bachelor - Pretty-boy gone bad. Pretty-boy-toy gone.

8.Survivor - Lost it's appeal about - Season 2.

9.Hell's Kitchen - You want a real Hell's Kitchen, come to My House for Stir-Fry.

10.The Hills - Have Eyes. Great Song, shitty show.

News Service

Mark's News Service would like to report a Bruins win, a Celtics win, and a Sox win last night. I know Dave and Bob probably missed all three games due to the impending Idolmania across the nation, so this qualifies as a public service announcement.

 

If you want the details, do what Dave does on Idol-nite: Read the Box scores next morning and pretend you watched.

 

Oh yeah, I went there!

 

I see the screens are coming along...looking good! Now all we need to do is pull the remote from Christa's cold, dead fingers and mantown will be complete!

American Idol Sneak Preview!

I bit torrented this off the web! I KNOW what happens tonight! You GOTTA watch!!!!

 

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LH-Y55jGHLI

Reading is believing

http://tech.yahoo.com/news/ap/20090512/ap_on_hi_te/eu_ireland_wikipedia_hoaxer

 

Now, what would be funny is that the new report of the 'hoax' was a hoax itself and the original story was true. Or, that the named person did in fact not die and is scheduled to appear on American Idol tonight (from news reports it seems it would be an improvement from the throaty, generic, cookie-cutter gargling you've been listening to).

 

"Dead Man Singin'"

 

Which brings me to my next point. What will the 'Bobsy-Dave' twins be watching tonight? A 'win or go home' Bruins game or American Idol? Is it even on tonight? And, whose night is it? Dave's? Christa's? And why does Callie not get a night? That does not seem very fair...I mean, she lives there too, right? By that standard, Kitty-Bear deserves some love too...

 

Can't we all just get along?

 

:)

 

Venetia Phair

Venetia Phair, who named planet Pluto, dies at 90

 

By ROBERT BARR

 

LONDON (AP) — Venetia Phair, who was 11 years old when she suggested Pluto as the name of the newly discovered planet, has died at age 90, her family said.

She died at home in Epsom on April 30, the family said; the cause of death was not disclosed. The family said a funeral would be held on Friday.

Born Venetia Burney, she suggested the name to her grandfather at breakfast in 1930.

"My grandfather, as usual, opened the paper, The Times, and in it he read that a new planet had been discovered. He wondered what it should be called. We all wondered," she recalled in a short film, "Naming Pluto," released earlier this year.

"And then I said, 'why not call it Pluto?' And the whole thing stemmed from that."

Her grandfather was Falconer Madan, the retired librarian of the Bodleian Library at Oxford University. He relayed the suggestion to his friend Herbert Hall Turner, professor of astronomy at Oxford, who on that day was at a meeting of the Royal Astronomical Society, where possible names for the planet were being discussed.

Turner then passed the suggestion to Clyde W. Tombaugh, who made the discovery, at the Lowell Observatory in Arizona.

When the name was publicly announced on May 1, 1930, Phair said her grandfather rewarded her with a five-pound note. (The same purchasing power today would be about 230 pounds, or $350.)

"This was unheard of then. As a grandfather, he liked to have an excuse for generosity," she told the British Broadcasting Corp. in 2006.

She was fascinated in astronomy, and recalled playing a game at school using clay lumps to mark out the relative positions of the planets. She was also a keen student of mythology, and knew about Pluto, the Roman name for the Greek god of the underworld, Hades.

"There were practically no names left from classical mythology. Whether I thought about the dark and gloomy Hades, I'm not sure," she told the BBC.

She tartly rejected any suggestion that the planet was named for the Disney dog, instead of the other way around.

"It has now been satisfactorily proven that the dog was named after the planet, rather than the other way round. So, one is vindicated," she said.

The International Astronomical Union downgraded Pluto in 2006 to a dwarf planet — based on the observation that Pluto was a large chunk in the Kuiper Belt of solar debris.

Phair said she was indifferent about Pluto's change of status, "though I suppose I would prefer it to remain a planet."

An asteroid discovered in 1987 was named in her honor: 6235 Burney.

She studied mathematics at Cambridge University, and taught economics and math until retiring in the 1980s.

Her husband Maxwell Phair died in 2006. She is survived by their son, Patrick.

Good News

Good News from Hollywood - Mia Farrow is close to death due to a hunger strike to raise awareness for "Darfur Fast for Life".

 

It might be me but isn't there safer, more effective ways these hollywood talking heads can contribute to society besides starving themselves into a size 2? I mean, what is she trying to? Get on American Idol or America's Next Top Model?

 

 

Bosom Buddies

A Perfect Day

A Perfect Day is in the making!

 

1) Manny caught on Drugs!

2) Bruins Win!

3) Celts Win!

4) Sox Win!

5) A-Rod blows out a hamstring and is out for the season - Manager gets canned and is replaced by Perennial Yankee Don Mattingly and continues to set the single season loss record for NY!

6) A-Rod book hits #1!

 

Ah yes, that would be the perfect day.

 

FYI: 12 noon is the first showing of Star Trek tomorrow. I'm in.

 

RIP Dom

Manny

Finally got caught cheating. Dodgers should fade into the basement over the next 50 games. Ha Ha Ha!

 

The Juice Is Loose!

Never Argue with a Woman

One morning the husband returns after several hours of fishing and decides to take a nap. Although not familiar with the lake, his wife decides to take the boat out. She motors out a short distance, anchors, and reads her book.

Along comes a Game Warden in his boat. He pulls up alongside the woman and says, 'Good morning, Ma'am. What are you doing?'

'Reading a book,' she replies, (thinking, 'Isn't that obvious?')

'You're in a Restricted Fishing Area,' he informs her.

'I'm sorry, officer, but I'm not fishing. I'm reading'

'Yes, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment. I'll have to take you in and write you up.'

'For reading a book,' she replies.

'You're in a Restricted Fishing Area,' he informs her again.

'I'm sorry, officer, but I'm not fishing. I'm reading'

'Yes, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment. I'll have to take you in and write you up.'

'If you do that, I'll have to charge you with Sexual assault,' says the woman.

'But I haven't even touched you,' says the game warden.

'That's true, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment.'

'Have a nice day ma'am,' and he left.

Oh yeah? ... So just try to stop me

To keep her husband from gambling away their savings, a woman called the casino in Auburn, Wash., where he was headed, and told them he was going there to bomb the place.

I AM OUTTA HERE! KA-BOOM! AIEEEEE! . . . A man robbed a bank in Houston and stuffed the money down his pants. He was arrested a short time later when the exploding dye packs went off, causing second-degree burns on his privates.

WHAT MAKES YOU SO SURE I’VE BEEN DRINKING, OFFICER?! . . . A man was pulled over for drunken driving in Fort Pierce, Fla., after his truck was seen weaving all over the road. As part of the field sobriety test, a policeman told him to grab his right shoe, and he replied, “What shoe?” Then he wet his pants.

HOW DO YOU KNOW I’M LYING? . . . A man fell and broke his leg in the parking lot of a Cleveland strip club, but was so embarrassed he reported it as a hate crime, saying three guys beat him up. His story fell apart when police watched the surveillance tape.

I AM SO EMBARRASSED, SORRY . . . An armed man tried to rob a bank in Nicholasville, Ky., but when he got there and demanded the money, he was told it was no longer a bank, but the local office of the Water Department. He left.

YEAH, IT’S US; WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO ABOUT IT?! . . . A man was beaten and robbed by five teenagers as he waited for a bus in Scarsdale, N.Y. They were caught when they called him the next day to taunt him. This gave the victim, who was equipped with caller ID, their phone number. They were arrested

Shitty Landing

A small plane crashed into a storage yard full of portable potties Friday afternoon near Thun Field just minutes after taking off from the field.

And... the outcome...

My Nephew Dante!

This is my brother's little boy!

What you are watching

After earning a reprieve from the "American Idol" judges two weeks ago, Matt Giraud, above, was cut from the show on Wednesday. His final episode drew 21.8 million viewers (21,800,004 to be exact), according to Nielsen's estimates, easily lifting Fox to No. 1 in the ratings for the night. At 8 p.m., Fox's "Lie to Me" (7.9 million) was the only regular programming in the time period on the four major broadcast networks as Fox chose not to carry President Obama's live press conference. CBS ranked second for the night with "Criminal Minds" (13.3 million) and "CSI: NY" (12.5 million). ABC was third with NBC close behind in fourth. Ratings for the president's press conference were not immediately available on Thursday, but early estimates suggested that considerably fewer viewers tuned in than the 40.4 million who watched the president's second prime time press conference in late March.

 

I was gonna watch the Prez but I had to take a dump.

The Biden-Swine Flu Virus

[Enter Backpedaling]

"On the Today Show this morning the Vice President was asked what he would tell a family member who was considering air travel to Mexico this week," the release read. "The advice he is giving family members is the same advice the Administration is giving to all Americans: that they should avoid unnecessary air travel to and from Mexico."

 

Not so much

Of course, that's not at all what he said.

"I wouldn't go anywhere in confined places right now," Biden said, specifically mentioning subways and airplanes.

 

When White House Press Secretary Robert Gibbs also tried to spin Biden's remarks, one White House reporter wouldn't stand for it and pushed back.

That resulted in a priceless statement by Gibbs followed by an eruption of laughter.

 

"I understand what he said, and I'm telling you what he meant to say," the frustrated flak snapped.

 

What a total clown.

 

Raise your overly-dragged knuckles if you voted for this idiot...C'mon, you in the back! I see you!

Swine Flu

Paris Hilton says "I don't eat that" when asked about swine flu in an online video.

 

Stupid Bitch. And WHO CARES what she thinks? I'd ask for my dog's opinion before that skanky ho!

 

Jack says: "Grrr...Woof woof! Woof woof wo wo wo wooof!" - translation: "Can we go for a ride in the car? And why is that freakin' cat on a leash across the street? Do the WANT me to catch her? What a bunch of dumbasses...Did you know that shellack is made form ground up shells and alcohol? - Woof!"

 

Q: What about airplanes — aren't airline cabins breeding grounds for germs?

 

A: Vice President Joe Biden suggested he believes that when he said Thursday he has advised his family not to fly. The Truth: NO EVIDENCE. Obama administration representatives later said Biden had misspoken. Duh. Get used to it. 4 years of beautiful sound-bites to archive for future purposes. That is, if they don't get us blown up before then and the Taliban doesn't roll into Boston on the Enterprise.

 

Another Stupid Bitch. How dumb is this clown? Who voted for this guy? Did YOU vote? If you didn't, then S.T.F.U. and Zip It Good! Yah, I'm talkin' to you.